Fiona McAllister 
We recently finished annual holiday time. The time of good cheer and treats and goodies. And for many of us more self criticism because of changes in our weight or body that mean last year’s dress just didn’t fit.
I am a fit, strong woman who has inexplicably put on 11 kilos (25 pounds) in the last year. I have worked out. I have ate (relatively) healthy. I have gained muscle from my workouts, but no matter what I have tried, I cannot seem to budge the excess fat that have I have gained.
And I think one of the most challenging events for me this past year has been when I went to put on a dress I love for a holiday themed church service (because that is about the only thing we could attend during these covid times). And I could still squeeze into it, but it just looked bad, too small. Because it was too small. Because I had gained this weight that I couldn’t understand, and couldn’t shed, despite my best efforts. This was a first for me. I had gained weight in the past after children and had been able to lose it through sensible eating and regular exercise, so I was not only baffled, but frustrated, and discouraged.
And my old friend the harsh inner critic showed up. “How could you let yourself go? Look at how fat you’ve become.” Yada, yada, yada. Now would I ever, ever, ever say these things to a friend or client who came to me with troubles with self acceptance over weight gain? Of course not.
I would take a mindful compassionate approach with these women. And so I decided I needed to do the same with myself.
I would talk to her with compassion and understanding saying that sometimes things happen with our bodies that aren’t under our exact control. And I would ask her to look at her body with appreciation and love. I would ask her to say are these intrusive thoughts true? Is it true that she has let herself go when she has been doing the best she knows how to take care of herself? I would ask her to ponder whether an extra 11 kilos or 25 pounds, even if they have changed her body, have changed her personal worth?
I would use my knowledge of fashion and body type to find her clothes to fit her current shape that were more flattering. I would encourage her to put away or give away the clothes that don’t fit for now (in a box in the basement, or at the back of the closet, if she wasn’t ready to part with them yet) and focus on the ones that do fit and that make her feel beautiful.
And so this past holiday season, I gave myself my services. I look at my body in the mirror after a shower and appreciate it in any way I can. I think grateful thoughts for the function of my body: a heart that beats, lungs that breathe, a mouth that tastes and so on. I think about all the things that this beautiful body does for me. How it allows me to move through and experience life.
Will I lose the excess fat? I don’t know. Will that lovely dress fit properly again? I don’t know. But what I do know is that how I take care of my body isn’t always evident in the way it looks or the number on the scale. And I do know that I can choose (even though in our thin obsessed culture it can be tough) to be grateful for this body, appreciate it’s beauty, and I can choose to dress it well.
And perhaps I learned a more valuable lesson too: that I don’t have to maintain the same body composition as culture dictates, or as I’ve always had in order to feel beautiful and worthy.
If you desire help with your self acceptance, body image, self worth, through counselling or want to improve your personal style, please contact me. Call or text 403-966-5896 or email me at fiona@stylebyfiona.com.
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Blessings,
